TWIR, XII “You can’t always get what you don’t want…”
Sunday, May 6, 2007
Am I the only one who realizes that American Idol is a property of Fox Broadcasting Company and not NBC Universal? My neighbors just down 5th Ave at the Today Show certainly don’t. It’s generally one of their most important stories. While I understand the show is extremely popular with a cult-like following, I have to say I remain a little puzzled. I can’t quite wrap my head around the constant promotion of one of your main competitors who consistently achieve higher primetime ratings (largely thanks to Idol).
For the record, inept and negligent recruiters are up there on my list of “Venn’s Top 5,000 Pet Peeves.” I'm not actively looking for a new job right now, but that doesn't change the fact that I keep an updated resume posted on about five different career websites at all times. Am I happy in my current job? Yes. Am I perfectly willing to sell out for a position that would be 50-100% higher paying than my current job? Yes.
To that point, I got a call the other day from someone asking me if I was interested in a sup position with a considerable boost to my salary, and it peaked an interest. I think anyone living here in New York understands the feeling you get that there might be something better out there, and if you’re not at least moderately relentless in looking for it, someone else will snatch it up. With a very guilty conscience, I called the recruiter back for details. This dim wit hasn’t gotten back to me for over a week, when she ought to be pushing me into an interview (considering if I were to land the job she’d get a 20% commission). Now, I’m caught in wanting something that I didn’t want in the first place. Now that I conceivably can’t have it, I need it.
Along a similar line of thinking lie the crazy things that we do in relationships and when forming relationships. Admittedly, it’s mostly the crazy things girls do because of guys, but I’ve definitely come across several severely-unhinged gentlemen who fly their freak flags high when they don’t obtain their desired reaction from females.
I think unavailability has a lot to do with causing people to flaunt their routine stint of crazy. For the most part, this is where the gentlemen come into play. I speak from experience here, recent experience. I’ve seen all kinds lately: emotionally unavailable, recently out of a relationship and lastly, the real special ones who are still in a relationship – married even.
Those least deserving of blame are the ones fresh out of another relationship. They were, after all, just broken up with or just ended a relationship themselves. This does not mean, however, that they are incapable of making someone a little crazy. They could, for instance, share a car service home with you after a business dinner/five hours of mojitos, and finally put an end to the undeniable sexual tension built up over four months of working together but never meeting in person. Then they might come to your dinner party that Friday night, unable to keep their hands off you. A few days after, they might call you and tell you that they can’t stop thinking of you. They might even invite you out on a date the next week, only to cancel the day before over instant messenger rather than calling, and never reschedule. But perhaps I’m simply too harsh a judge, and that’s just par for the course when you’re a 31-year old boy.
Then there are the times when you meet someone, go out with them, and while there might not have been fireworks, you figure you’ll give it another shot…after a little investigating. Given my recent track record, I figured this one had a freak flag too. He’s 34 and VP in our industry, so I knew he likely agency-hopped a bit. That meant someone I know must also know him. My suspicions were, on every level, validated. He’s married, and his wife is due to give birth on my birthday. Special added value there. I found this out while I was down in Florida for a friend’s wedding. I got a text from him and here’s how the conversation went:
Married Guy: How’s the sand?
Me: It’s cloudy here. How’s your wife?
Married Guy: Be nice. Are you going to Atlanta for the National Championship game?
Me: Why should I be nice when I have to find out that you’re married from someone with whom you used to work? And why would you ask me out in the first place? No, going back to NY.
Married Guy: I thought you knew. Sorry. And why? You’re cute, nice, fun & hot – pretty great. And I can get myself messed in the head sometimes, but I never got in a spot like this before. I hope we can talk about it.
Me: Perhaps I should be wearing a scarlet letter rather than my “Beat Ohio State” button.
Married Guy: There’s that cute girl I like so much.
Me: Vomit.
And he’s not the only married guy who has recently asked me out. It happened again Thursday night, post tequila-sipping at a downtown bar. I was leaving to go to my roommate and her fiancé’s goodbye party when the gem of a gentleman says to me, “I really enjoyed our conversation, and your eyes are just so inviting. I would love to see you again.” I reminded him he’s sporting a wedding band, indicating he’s both legally and spiritually bound to another in marriage. He comes back with, “Yeah, but unhappily.” With stand-up guys like that out there, I feel the occasional crazed behavior is not only excused, but almost expected.
PS – government warnings should not be limited to cigarette cartons. They should be slapped all over tequila bottles and the glasses the bottles get poured into. Warning: after drinking this you will be unable to speak and borderline socially-retarded.
Those who make us girls the most crazy are the emotionally unavailable or possibly just plain uninterested. Because the universe is unfair, we’re naturally more drawn to these fellows. They are the guys that you become great friends with. You sense a bit of an attraction, so you tell yourself that if something comes of it, cool, and if not you’ve got a great friend, so you’re happy with that too. Of course that plan is good for about three days, till reality hits and you realize nothing is ever that easy. You’re caught wanting something you didn’t think you wanted in the first place.
Begin crazy behavior – provoked crazy – but crazy behavior, none the less. Since you are friends, you still hang out, both in groups and with only each other for company. Your friends adore him, your roommates adore him, and admittedly you do too. You’re stuck over-thinking everything, never stopping to realize that it might just be the control freak in you needing, well, control of the situation. One night on your couch, after a sushi dinner with a side of sexual tension (and nothing to free it) he leaves you with a conversation, via text, to really send you over the unstable edge:
Unavailable: See, two single people can make good decisions.
Me: Yeah, I guess, by default.
Unavailable: Believe me; I’m saving you from a big pain in the ass.
Me: Yeah, yeah.
Unavailable: No, really. This is not a line. I like you too much to subject you to it. We get along too well.
Me: I’m far from perfect.
Unavailable: You’re not perfect? Two issues don’t make a right. (and I kid you not) insert a smiley.
Now you’ve got your guard up. You swear it off. Then, for good measure you sleep with him, thus solidifying uncomfortable interaction and nearly destroying your friendship. After a month of awkwardness on a level you previously thought to be impossible – to a point that it kills all attraction that once was, and changing his name in your phone to “Don’t Call or Text,” you finally admit to each other that things are in fact weird and you’d like them not to be that way anymore so you can go back to being friends. And, by the way, you stop acting like a complete basket-case.
Now, maybe it’s just New York turning us all into control freaks and actually no different than the feeling of needing to find a better job when you genuinely don’t want to leave the one you have. Maybe it’s because you grew up in the South and you’re still trying to overcome the damage that did, i.e. – among other things, the underlying expectation to get your Mrs. degree by 22, be at the alter by 24, retire by 26, and pop out babies within a year or so after that. Is it possible that we’re perfectly content with a single life and just too overly-bombarded by outside factors to realize it? Are we so consumed by trying to have it all that it causes our freak flags to fly high and attract an array of unavailable men. Maybe it’s bad karma seeking revenge for when we acted poorly in previous relationships, i.e. answering the “Oh, how are you and ____ doing?” question with, “Ehhh, things are OK, I guess, but I think I’m going to break up with him soon,” for the entire 8-month duration of your relationship. Or maybe you never wanted any of it in the first place, but must have it now only because some brain dead recruiter won’t call you back and give you the details. Any way you look at it, you can’t always get what you don’t want.
Don’t be fooled by the pearls.
VENN
Am I the only one who realizes that American Idol is a property of Fox Broadcasting Company and not NBC Universal? My neighbors just down 5th Ave at the Today Show certainly don’t. It’s generally one of their most important stories. While I understand the show is extremely popular with a cult-like following, I have to say I remain a little puzzled. I can’t quite wrap my head around the constant promotion of one of your main competitors who consistently achieve higher primetime ratings (largely thanks to Idol).
For the record, inept and negligent recruiters are up there on my list of “Venn’s Top 5,000 Pet Peeves.” I'm not actively looking for a new job right now, but that doesn't change the fact that I keep an updated resume posted on about five different career websites at all times. Am I happy in my current job? Yes. Am I perfectly willing to sell out for a position that would be 50-100% higher paying than my current job? Yes.
To that point, I got a call the other day from someone asking me if I was interested in a sup position with a considerable boost to my salary, and it peaked an interest. I think anyone living here in New York understands the feeling you get that there might be something better out there, and if you’re not at least moderately relentless in looking for it, someone else will snatch it up. With a very guilty conscience, I called the recruiter back for details. This dim wit hasn’t gotten back to me for over a week, when she ought to be pushing me into an interview (considering if I were to land the job she’d get a 20% commission). Now, I’m caught in wanting something that I didn’t want in the first place. Now that I conceivably can’t have it, I need it.
Along a similar line of thinking lie the crazy things that we do in relationships and when forming relationships. Admittedly, it’s mostly the crazy things girls do because of guys, but I’ve definitely come across several severely-unhinged gentlemen who fly their freak flags high when they don’t obtain their desired reaction from females.
I think unavailability has a lot to do with causing people to flaunt their routine stint of crazy. For the most part, this is where the gentlemen come into play. I speak from experience here, recent experience. I’ve seen all kinds lately: emotionally unavailable, recently out of a relationship and lastly, the real special ones who are still in a relationship – married even.
Those least deserving of blame are the ones fresh out of another relationship. They were, after all, just broken up with or just ended a relationship themselves. This does not mean, however, that they are incapable of making someone a little crazy. They could, for instance, share a car service home with you after a business dinner/five hours of mojitos, and finally put an end to the undeniable sexual tension built up over four months of working together but never meeting in person. Then they might come to your dinner party that Friday night, unable to keep their hands off you. A few days after, they might call you and tell you that they can’t stop thinking of you. They might even invite you out on a date the next week, only to cancel the day before over instant messenger rather than calling, and never reschedule. But perhaps I’m simply too harsh a judge, and that’s just par for the course when you’re a 31-year old boy.
Then there are the times when you meet someone, go out with them, and while there might not have been fireworks, you figure you’ll give it another shot…after a little investigating. Given my recent track record, I figured this one had a freak flag too. He’s 34 and VP in our industry, so I knew he likely agency-hopped a bit. That meant someone I know must also know him. My suspicions were, on every level, validated. He’s married, and his wife is due to give birth on my birthday. Special added value there. I found this out while I was down in Florida for a friend’s wedding. I got a text from him and here’s how the conversation went:
Married Guy: How’s the sand?
Me: It’s cloudy here. How’s your wife?
Married Guy: Be nice. Are you going to Atlanta for the National Championship game?
Me: Why should I be nice when I have to find out that you’re married from someone with whom you used to work? And why would you ask me out in the first place? No, going back to NY.
Married Guy: I thought you knew. Sorry. And why? You’re cute, nice, fun & hot – pretty great. And I can get myself messed in the head sometimes, but I never got in a spot like this before. I hope we can talk about it.
Me: Perhaps I should be wearing a scarlet letter rather than my “Beat Ohio State” button.
Married Guy: There’s that cute girl I like so much.
Me: Vomit.
And he’s not the only married guy who has recently asked me out. It happened again Thursday night, post tequila-sipping at a downtown bar. I was leaving to go to my roommate and her fiancé’s goodbye party when the gem of a gentleman says to me, “I really enjoyed our conversation, and your eyes are just so inviting. I would love to see you again.” I reminded him he’s sporting a wedding band, indicating he’s both legally and spiritually bound to another in marriage. He comes back with, “Yeah, but unhappily.” With stand-up guys like that out there, I feel the occasional crazed behavior is not only excused, but almost expected.
PS – government warnings should not be limited to cigarette cartons. They should be slapped all over tequila bottles and the glasses the bottles get poured into. Warning: after drinking this you will be unable to speak and borderline socially-retarded.
Those who make us girls the most crazy are the emotionally unavailable or possibly just plain uninterested. Because the universe is unfair, we’re naturally more drawn to these fellows. They are the guys that you become great friends with. You sense a bit of an attraction, so you tell yourself that if something comes of it, cool, and if not you’ve got a great friend, so you’re happy with that too. Of course that plan is good for about three days, till reality hits and you realize nothing is ever that easy. You’re caught wanting something you didn’t think you wanted in the first place.
Begin crazy behavior – provoked crazy – but crazy behavior, none the less. Since you are friends, you still hang out, both in groups and with only each other for company. Your friends adore him, your roommates adore him, and admittedly you do too. You’re stuck over-thinking everything, never stopping to realize that it might just be the control freak in you needing, well, control of the situation. One night on your couch, after a sushi dinner with a side of sexual tension (and nothing to free it) he leaves you with a conversation, via text, to really send you over the unstable edge:
Unavailable: See, two single people can make good decisions.
Me: Yeah, I guess, by default.
Unavailable: Believe me; I’m saving you from a big pain in the ass.
Me: Yeah, yeah.
Unavailable: No, really. This is not a line. I like you too much to subject you to it. We get along too well.
Me: I’m far from perfect.
Unavailable: You’re not perfect? Two issues don’t make a right. (and I kid you not) insert a smiley.
Now you’ve got your guard up. You swear it off. Then, for good measure you sleep with him, thus solidifying uncomfortable interaction and nearly destroying your friendship. After a month of awkwardness on a level you previously thought to be impossible – to a point that it kills all attraction that once was, and changing his name in your phone to “Don’t Call or Text,” you finally admit to each other that things are in fact weird and you’d like them not to be that way anymore so you can go back to being friends. And, by the way, you stop acting like a complete basket-case.
Now, maybe it’s just New York turning us all into control freaks and actually no different than the feeling of needing to find a better job when you genuinely don’t want to leave the one you have. Maybe it’s because you grew up in the South and you’re still trying to overcome the damage that did, i.e. – among other things, the underlying expectation to get your Mrs. degree by 22, be at the alter by 24, retire by 26, and pop out babies within a year or so after that. Is it possible that we’re perfectly content with a single life and just too overly-bombarded by outside factors to realize it? Are we so consumed by trying to have it all that it causes our freak flags to fly high and attract an array of unavailable men. Maybe it’s bad karma seeking revenge for when we acted poorly in previous relationships, i.e. answering the “Oh, how are you and ____ doing?” question with, “Ehhh, things are OK, I guess, but I think I’m going to break up with him soon,” for the entire 8-month duration of your relationship. Or maybe you never wanted any of it in the first place, but must have it now only because some brain dead recruiter won’t call you back and give you the details. Any way you look at it, you can’t always get what you don’t want.
Don’t be fooled by the pearls.
VENN
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